ericcrasheslj

What if I told you

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 04:45:28 GMT

So I finally have something to write about after not writing here in forever.

There's really no segue into this. I got a secret admirer letter. I am so baffled - it was sitting on the counter when I got home from being at the theatre/dinner/home depot with Kelli. I have no idea what to do with/about it. Hahaha - don't get me wrong, I'm ECSTATIC to have gotten it - just so confused. Anyway, it reads:

"Eric- [with a picture of a pin up sailor girl stitched on to the front]

I have a crush on you. [in cursive]

Happy Valentines Day

XO

Your
Secret Admirer"

I have a few ideas of people that it could be? And people that I would hope it is? But like, do I just say "hey are you my secret admirer?" lol I'm such a loser.

She Ain't No Ball And Chain

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 21:32:07 GMT

HAHAHAHA I NEED A BREAK.

FROM LIFE.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK.

If if's and but's were candy and nuts you'd be here for one more year

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 21:24:43 GMT

Dear Journal,

I'm supposed to be on my way to see Streetlight at the Agora like I had planned all summer long. Instead I'm sitting in my parent's house writing on their old computer. I suppose it's my fault that I'm not going - I could go by myself. But I have class in the morning, I'm short on money, and my mom felt bad for me so she offered to put up the 20 bucks I spent on the ticket. At least I'll have the ticket to look at, and that's something, right?

I'm not sure why but lately I've been really...bipolar? I feel like whether I'm in a completely shitty mood or a great mood depends on the specific day. I don't have any constant backing to make me feel good or bad. Emotional limbo or some shit. I'm sure things will pick up eventually - I just need to quit being such a crybaby and a wimp and do what I know I want but am too afraid to follow through on. I'd be the most patient person in the world if I had the kind of patience I have with myself but with everybody else.

This is the first time I've written a journal entry since before I moved into Robot House, so I guess I should touch on that. It's been going alright - nothing to really complain about except for petty differences and misunderstandings. But isn't that the way most everything is? Every time I think about something that makes me mad at/about the house, though, I realize how much better it is than living in a dorm room. I don't have to put up with the drunken idiots next to me playing Guitar Hero (and sucking at it mind you) with their volume all the way up at 4 AM on a Saturday. I don't have to run outside because of fire drills/fuckfaces pulling the fire alarm. I have more room. I have a bed that I don't have to climb to. I can control the temperature of my room remotely or at all for that matter. I'm eating less and eating healthier. Pretty much everything is better all around and I enjoy that. Also more fun times have been had. 5/5 would recommend to friends.

tl;dr - somebody needs to kick me in the ass to get me moving. self motivation is never enough and I don't know why.

I'm trapped in the Ruby Room

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 21:17:30 GMT

So everything's pretty much moved in. I can dig.

I feel really strange and things, though - like I'm in a hotel and I'll be gone soon. I know that's not true, but that's how it feels, especially for now. I'm sure once school kicks in, things will be different. Speaking of which, I can't wait for more of my friends to start coming back to school - I want to go to comic club and see people in the art building and whatnot. I also can't wait for Ken to show up. He's the coolest.

I finally figured out how to burn DVDs that one can watch in a DVD player. It's pretty cool shit. This way people can actually watch movies that I've downloaded, namely Cashback, instead of me being like "HEY WATCH IT PLEAASE? HERE'S THE FILE HAVE FUN" and then they never watch it, which has happened on several occasions, mind you.

I guess I don't have much to say. I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys 'R Us kid.

Don't crack 'cause you might not make it back

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 07:50:41 GMT

So who wants to go with me to see Streetlight at the Agora on October 12th? :< It's a Sunday

Something's on my mind, It's been for quite some time

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 18:37:19 GMT

Few things to talk about - completely unrelated as usual.

I got a call from Geneva yesterday - we worked out some shit, although it seems that it was mostly my shit that needed to be worked out. Although what was written in my last entry wasn't specifically about her, she was included in the few people I was talking about. I'm feeling better about moving in when I get back to school. It's so awkward writing about things like this when I know she's reading it - hey Geneva.

Speaking of moving back to school, I talked with Chris for a while yesterday, and it's good to have a little job security. Although being a janitor isn't top tier on the list of things I want to do, it will be guaranteed, close employment - maybe even just across the street. I'm still going to talk with Ali about getting me a job at Meijer (assuming she even still works there, assuming they're hiring, and assuming that they'll hire me at that location). Still, it's nice to know that I'll be able to have a job across the street that I can work short shifts everyday with and get some spending/saving money.

Apparently right after I had posted about Streetlight releasing their new album on Halloween, Tomas got on the website and wrote about how that's not true. Victory Records listed it in their press release about upcoming albums. Lord knows how they got that idea. I'm not expected the album somewhere in Summer 09 - but that's just because I'd like not to expect it earlier than it is. So that sucks, but in related, and better news, Streetlight is going to go on a quick US tour in October. I'm hoping they come to either Detroit or Cleveland, and that I can wrangle a few friends up to go to the show. If they don't go to either places, they'll be back in January - so it'll just be more waiting (OR MAYBE I CAN GO TO BOTH IDK).

My eyes are spinning and they won't stop

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 08:14:08 GMT

I don't know exactly why, but I feel randomly compelled to write entries in my journal. I guess it's not a bad thing, but there's really no rhyme or reason to why. Oh well, here goes.

So PAX is a definitely no for me now. It kills me to say that because I wanted to go so badly, but it's almost impossible to swing something that expensive when I have no many other financial things to worry about. Even if plane tickets weren't as expensive as they are, I would be able to go, but when more than half of an entire trip is the plane ticket alone, that's fucking stupid.

The upside, I guess is that I'll have 800 dollars that I didn't plan on spending - the downside to that, though, is that I still need a new computer because this little piece of shit is not really going to cut it for anything that I'll want to do as far as art goes.

I don't know why, but working in the literal sense of working completely drains me as far as creativity goes. I have no desire to draw, no desire to do anything. I just want to sleep and relax. Not that art isn't relaxing, it just requires motivation which is something I don't have after washing dishes for 8 hours straight 3~4 nights a week.

I keep getting a really apprehensive feeling about moving into the townhouse when I go back to school. I know I'm friends with all the guys but I don't know how living with everybody, some more than others, will work out. I'm sure it'll be fine, but whatever.

I find myself saying that a lot lately - whatever. I don't know whether it's a sign that I've pretty much given up on caring or whether it's just the casual sort of apathy that I used to love about myself. Regardless of whether my feelings toward that have changed or whether it's something new, I don't really like it. I'd like to at least seem like I have some sort of opinion about things. Oh well.

I noticed I keep getting more random as far as subject matter goes with my entries. I'm also pretty disjointed as far as my thought process goes. I wonder if that's because of my long term state of mind or just because I tend to write these things at 3~4 AM while doing other things.

Streetlight is supposed to be releasing another album on Halloween 08 for those of you who have made it this far in reading or care about Streetlight Manifesto at all. I'm hoping the release date is for realsies and not some unrealistic optimism like the date for SitB was. I think the grand total on delays was about a year on that one.

I sometimes get knots in my stomach when I think about certain people. That could just be the spicy food and coffee from earlier tonight, though. I hope my feelings towards said people change at some point in time - and not just because I decide I can put up with more bullshit or because I stop caring about anything and everything. I hope it's because of a genuine change in heart and attitude - hopefully on both of our parts.

I think if I was any more vague with some of the things I say, it would be almost as bad as that other thing.

I think I'll pass away tonight, it seems I'll never get it right

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 08:00:23 GMT

It's almost 4 AM and I have to be up and at work at 11, then at the other job at 4. I basically will work from 11-11. Fun.

I got a haircut today. Nothing drastic, just shaping it so that it didn't look ridiculous. (note: I hadn't really done anything with my hair since I shaved it all off in October).

I can't help but feel ignored and abandoned lately. I don't really have any close friends that I can talk alone with very often without it being super awkward. I don't really have somebody that I can call and just talk about nothing with. I miss that. If I ever even did have that. I don't know any more.

Notice I only come here to emo out about shit. It's a wonder nobody reads or comments on it.

I'm such a fucking loser. I wish I had the money to be cool. I just barely made back enough money to pay my parents back for the computer that I got. Well, I haven't technically made it yet - I'll get ~50 bux from job 1 tomorrow and once I deposit it, I'll have enough.

I feel like I'm working my ass off for minimum wage, and everybody I know isn't in debt or is fortunate enough to have things that I don't. I don't know whether I should call that jealousy or envy or just self pity.

I want really badly to be able to go to PAX, but even when I'm working all the time, making $1200++ dollars to afford paying off my debt, everything to fly to Seattle and stay in a hotel room, and have enough money to start out in my appt thing...it really doesn't work out when you're only getting 7 dollars an hour. Not to mention the price of everything is fucking dumb now.

Whatever, blah blah blah, nobody cares. Not even me.

Who would believe that a hallogen lamp could concieve?

Fri, 16 May 2008 06:27:54 GMT

Earlier today, I had this huge train of thought that would have made a beautiful entry to post here on LiveJournal. Unfortunately, it was about 10 minutes before I went to work, which gave me no time to write about it and plenty of time to forget. Which I did. However, I feel compelled to write something in here so that maybe some remnants of what I had thought about earlier might slip through.

Speaking of work - I love working at this new restaurant a million times more than I did at Stockyard. Rich is still the owner and he's the same awesome guy that he was back at SM, but since this new place is so small and kind of on the outskirts of town, there's just a steady trickle of business. I haven't really experienced a rush yet - just a laid back environment where we sell food and people eat it. Plus, we make deliveries, which I get to do sometimes and get rich white people tips for driving less than 2 miles most of the time. It's a pretty good deal.

I start my other new job working at Rockne's tomorrow. I really don't want to go. Being surrounded by a bunch of people I don't know at a place where I'm not 100% on what I'm doing is always kind of shitty. Plus the fact that they close super late compared to Broad Street so I probably will go days without even seeing my family if I work 3-4 days a week there. Maybe I can get an afternoon shift and then a 5-8 thing going on at Broad Street. I don't know.

Speaking of tips and whatnot (forgive me, my thoughts are never connected and I never proof read anything) Justin, Ryan and I went out to Eat N Park like we always do when Ryan comes into town. There was this waitress, Lacey, who was working. She was working her ass off for $3.50/hr. With the late night shift, so almost no customers and no tips - she kept talking about how she would think karma would treat her better since she worked so hard all her life. She was about our age and out of school - I really have to hand it to her, she's a real trooper. I felt bad that she had to work a shitty waitress job and put up with all kinds of crap so I took all the tip money I made the day before from deliveries and left it on the table for her. I think we left around $15 combined on the table - I really hope that made her day, or at least showed her that karma does pay off every once in a while.

I spent much longer than I had planned writing this. I've got to work both jobs in 1 day tomorrow. I really hope having money is nice after I pay everybody everything that I need to pay.

a few random thoughts that I want to share

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:46:11 GMT

It's interesting (notice how I said 'interesting' and not 'weird' - it makes me sound smarter than I am) how the closer I get to being able to go home, the more I wish I could stay here. Home has so many great things that I'm looking forward to, but something keeps making me wish I could spend the summer here. I don't know what it is - in the end I think I'm glad to be going home. In the past month or so, I feel like I've gotten to know so many people so much better than I knew them before - it's odd that I knew them pretty much the entire year, but am just now getting to actually know them.

Money is a terrible terrible thing. I sometimes wish that we could live in a socialist society, but not in a real one - in the way that Marx had intended that socialism work. I would be able to go places and do things that anybody else would be able to do. No money necessary to do these things (or at least not any that I wouldn't be able to afford) It's interesting that I say this as an artist - something that really has no place in socialism. Oh well.

My eye has been twitching almost non-stop for a few weeks now. I know that's a sign of stress, but I don't know what I'm stressed about. Perhaps I have sort of a subconscious stress or a lack of stress relief that I am unable to identify.

Why is it that when I want something very badly through means by which might be embarrassing or might not turn out the way I want them to, I don't want to do what has to be done to get what I want? If anybody can follow that, kudos.

I thought I had more. Oh well.

If I had the chance, I'd ask you all to dance

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 04:19:00 GMT

I haven't posted in forever - mostly because I forgot to bookmark live journal when I got my new computer.

I've been feeling pretty shitty since I went to my cousin's wedding down in Florida. Two reasons for that - I was supposed to hook up with Chris and Jordie and hang out with them on Saturday, but, understandably, they couldn't really afford the trip being that the price of gas is fucking ridiculous (and even more expensive down in FL) and they would have used about 4 tanks worth of it round trip. But hopefully, PAX will work out and I'll get to hang with them and Mike among maybe a few other peoples. The other reason that the trip to Jacksonville made me feel like shit is that I was totally jealous of my cousin. Joe is the closest cousin I have - age-wise, personality-wise and pretty much everything else. So, I identify with him quite a lot - seeing him get married and having such a good time hit a certain chord in me that resounded in a general jealous, bitter, crappy feeling (not to mention his wife was gorgeous). Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy for him and glad that everything is working out so well, but I kind of wish that I felt similar.

Beyond that, I am really not enjoying school at all right now. It'll be done in two weeks. Whatever.

TECHNOLOGY
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. The default Asus Eee Advanced Desktop thing. My stolen computer had a delicious picture of bacon.

Q. How many televisions you have in your house?
A. Dorm room = 1. House has 5.

BIOLOGY
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. right.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Aside from splinters and the like, no.

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A. Nothing is heavy when you're as strong as I am.

Q. Have you ever been knocked out?
A. Mike Tyson's Punch Out excluded, no.

BULLSHITOLOGY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. Ask me when you can tell me. I'll decide then.

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. Erik.

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. I look good in pretty much everything except white. I like green, too.

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item?
A. Probably unknowingly.

DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. Really depends on the guy. If I was a chick I totally would, but there are like 50% of really disgusting guys.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. If I was extremely desperate for money, I suppose.

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000
A. I barely blog as it is.

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. Haha, yes. SO yes.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. You bet.

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. Depends on who. If I was some sort of sniper killing some African bastards that were committing genocide (I don't exactly keep up with world issues enough to know or remember who is on a genocidal rampage at the moment) I would totally do it.

DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket?
A. lint.

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A. Yeah, actually, despite the 'tards.

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A. If this is some sort of metaphor for whether I shave my pubes or not, I shave them into fun shapes because I'm totally stupid. Right now it's an arrow pointing to my penis...ladies..?

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A. ...why the fuck would I sit down in the shower?

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A. I used to own some kick ass AC/DC flip flops. They got gross and I threw them away.

LASTOLOGY
Q: Last person who texted you?
A. Devin

Q: Last person who called you?
A. Mike - he left a voicemail.

Q: Person you hugged?
A. Jen - it was her b-day on Saturday.

FAVORITOLOGY
Q: Number?
A. 12, 56

Q: Season?
A. Summer

Q: Color?
A. Red

CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone?
A. Don't get me started.

Q: Mood?
A. Sad.

Q: Listening to?
A. John Oliver's stand up special that Keith and Emily are watching.

Q: Watching?
A. see above..

Q: Worrying about?
A. Myself.

Q: Wearing?
A. Reel Big Fish tee that I got at the Streetlight concert this past summer and some old shorts that I forgot I had. Pac-Man boxers.

RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
A. Commons Buffet.

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A. Is it a bad sign that I can't think of anything to answer this with?

Q: Do you smile often?
A. I guess.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A. I always thought it was dumb to ask people about their own personalities. I obviously have a skewed vision of myself and therefore whether I am friendly or not.

It never ceases to amaze me when I lose even more faith in other people

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 23:50:34 GMT

For those of you who don't know (and most of you probably don't, assuming you even read what I write in this), my computer was stolen from my room on Monday. I was at a concert in Cleveland, the door was left unlocked because my room mate had lost his keys a few days before that, and some mother fucker came in and stole both of our laptops.

I don't know why, but I have a naive sense of trust towards just about everybody and everything - when that trust is broken, I tend to have a really bad outlook on just about everything. Since I got the news that my computer was stolen out of my own room, I can't say that I've really felt much anger, because I haven't. I just get an overwhelming sense of disappointment and a sort of general disgust for the world. I can't say that it wasn't my fault or that I shouldn't have seen it coming, but I honestly feel like I can't trust anyone. This is, of course, something that will probably clear up in a few months when I've forgotten all about this and have a shiny new computer - but for the time being, I feel incredibly cynical and pretty much just hate everything.

It really is disconcerting that something like this can happen in an environment that is so "concerned" with our safety and all other kinds of bullshit. I just hope that whoever buys it on eBay throws a shitfit at the mother fucker who stole my computer when they find out that the fan is broken and the Core CPU runs at 80 degrees and smells like burning plastic if it's on for too long.

p.s. nothing else was stolen from my room, thankfully - so at least I have that going for me.

The fight in me is all gone

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 18:11:25 GMT

I feel like the worst person ever. In the history of the world. So I was in class, and we were goofing around, having a good time, I write "BUTTFARTS" on the wall, like I do all over he place, I didn't even think anything of it...I then find out that my teacher, one of the nicest, most awesome guys in the world, had just painted that earlier. He was really upset about it, and long story short, I feel like complete shit. I guess that's a sign to me that what might be innocent fun to me might really upset other people, and to consider that before I do something careless.

I want to go home so badly. Home is so much more inviting and comfortable than this terrible, dirty, noisy building that I have to live in all the time. I can never get a good night's sleep because whether it's my neighbors on either side of me drinking til 4AM or the random people in the hall that feel it's cool to shout stupid shit that I can't even understand at 8AM, I never sleep for a full night. On top of that, I either feel lonely or crowded all the time. I don't know what it is - I just feel like when there's nobody around that nobody wants to be around me, and when there are a lot of people, I feel like I need time alone.

I think I'm just going insane.

I know I miss more than hit

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 02:37:24 GMT

I just had the best 45 minute conversation I've had in a long time. I'm pretty stoked about it to say the least. :> Here's to hoping it goes somewhere!

His brain is squirming like a toad

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 20:36:42 GMT

After reading Preston's latest entry, which mostly dealt with self reflections and all that really smart sounding stuff that I could never dream of actually putting into words, I started thinking about some of the entries that I had made this summer. Or more accurately, what I was doing with the titles of most of the entries. I had a sort of recurring, although sort of meaningless, theme where I would use a line from a song (I'm still doing that part), but the real title of subject of the entry was in the line either before of after the line I had chosen. I can recall two or three, maybe four entries that were taken from "Hot Summer Nights (Won't Last Forever)" by The Aquabats. Given, the song is meant to be silly as a whole, but it also has something very relevant about it.

A lot of my entries were written about the feeling of loss towards my friends - specifically Geneva and Justin. I don't think it's really a coincidence that they're two of the closest friends I have. Oh, before I forget to mention, the line that the previous entry titles pointed to was "I'm gonna miss you, I'm gonna miss you so much." During the summer, Geneva and I hardly spoke - maybe because of practical reasons like bad phone signals and conflicting work schedules, or maybe because of the mess I seem to repeatedly make of the tatters of friendship that we have left. That's sort of irrelevant now, though. Because I do miss her a great deal. We hardly see each other any more. Whether or not it's because she really is as busy as she says she is, or she just doesn't want to see me because she has better things to do and better people to talk to doesn't really matter. I can't really compare the same situation to Justin at all. He's the best guy ever, and although, thank God, the "I'm gonna miss you" I thought I was trying to say didn't turn out to be true during the summer, he's still across the state, and I hardly ever get the chance to talk with and/or hang out with him. With the except of the few times he's been completely awesome and driven up here for random events, I only get to see him when I go home - which is a lot less often than I'd like, and always seems to be a shorter amount of time than it looks like it's going to be.

My point? I guess I was right about how I was going to be missing people. I think that had a great deal to do with why I find myself a little down in the dumps, lacking motivation, etc. so often lately. I wish that I would have gone to a different school all the time - Cleveland Institute of Art, Columbus College of Art and Design, Minneapolis College of Art and Design, Ringling, there are almost a hundred other places I would rather be. But the grass is always greener on the other side, so there's really no point in wanting to be elsewhere.

If my rap's soup, my beats is stock.

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 17:14:53 GMT

So I finally called the Pharmacy (both Canfield's and Bowling Green's), and as per usual, they both tell me to call the other to have my prescription transferred. I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit - I even explain the situation to either of them:

"I'd like to have my prescription transferred, please."
"Oh, well you have the other pharmacy call us, it's standard operating procedure."
"But the thing is that every time I talk to them, they tell me to have you call them, and every time I talk with you, you tell me that they need to call you. This happens every time I need a transfer."
"I'm sorry, but we can't help you, just have them call us."

Great. Oh well, Spring Break is in two weeks - I'll just get it filled then. Fuck it. Honestly? I go through this bullshit at least twice a year, all the while, not having Synthroid at all, which results in these little experiments I conduct on myself with how I change emotionally and physically when I'm off the man pills. Whatever - I guess having a perpetual identity crisis is a trait in my personality now. Hallelujah. Holy Shit. Where's the Tylenol?

I am going to haunt you every day

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 02:07:21 GMT

I find that every day, I keep getting more sick and tired of being who I am. Being where I am. Doing what I do - basically I'm tired of existence. I don't get excited about much any more, and half of the time when I am, it's either so far off in the future that it's nothing to really be excited about or it's close and it falls drastically short of my expectations. The more I think about things, the less I want anything. For myself, mostly - I can't lie when I say that I get excited for other people to do things they want to do, and that's nice, but I'd like something for me for once.

I feel like during most of my life, I've been used by others to get things that they want (whether I want these things also or not is moot) and seldom am I surprised by something nice. I am surprised quite often - like expecting 5 or 6 people to join me in Event X and ending up with 1 or not even going because I don't want to go by myself. Followed by little to no explanation of what happened, when or why, and more importantly no explanation as to why they told me the were able to go as late as the day before Event X. It's happened multiple times with multiple people.

I've been without my medication for almost 2 weeks now - I almost want to stay off of it forever, but I can feel my grades slipping because of either my drowsiness or my lack of attention span. It's really disconcerting that I'll go through the rest of my life with the choice of being either a mellowed out, nice, tired, inattentive, fat man or an irritable, mean, aware, thin(ner) guy. I spoke with my endocrinologist last time I met with him about the fact that I seem to be really short tempered when I'm one the medication. So they took blood...and increased the dosage. The only difference I could see after the dosage increased was that I think meaner things than I did - I usually bite my tongue but I can remember thinking some things and saying some things that I can't believe I said now that I've been off the pills for a little bit.

Oh yeah, and my little experiment is over. No conclusive evidence of anything. Maybe I'll continue it further and just count out the day that it didn't ring true.

p.s. I wish I had my hair back.

lmao

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 06:47:11 GMT

I made new LJ icons and I have to say that I'm impressed with myself. I am also thoroughly pumped.

Could it be, could it be that you're joking with me

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 04:50:10 GMT

I'm trying something out - an experiment, if you will. It's been working for almost a week - like 100%. I have a feeling that it'll work for at least the next 6 months if I stick to it, not that that's necessarily a good thing. But it's a secret, so shh.

Oh, also I finally found somebody cool AND nice on OkCupid - she lives in Pittsburgh so it's not exactly a short drive from BG, but it'd be a little less than an hour from Canfield, which is a drive that I've driven many, many times before...just in a different direction. I'm hoping for good things, but not too much seeing as the only other person to acknowledge me at all on there has been this, like, 400 pound man-beast that likes "to pwn people at guitar hero". Joy.

Otherwise - nothing has been out of the norm, just the same old sitting around, doing not much of anything, falling asleep during class because I'm reluctant to start back on my pills and I ran out. Get to see The Toasters next week at Howard's. :> I couldn't be more excited.

We all just idolize the dead

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 07:19:14 GMT

I haven't written in a while - that's not to say I haven't been thinking about anything or am not angsty or whatnot. It honestly just hasn't crossed my mind to write about it, but I suppose it's good to get it out of my system.

I'm going down to Florida for my cousin's wedding in mid April. He's awesome, and this is probably the first wedding I've looked forward to going to. I'd be lying if I said it was just for the wedding, though - two of the most awesome people I know live in Florida. Even more awesome? They live about 4 hours away from where the wedding is going to be, and they're still driving up to hang out with me for a few hours/possibly staying in the hotel with us. I'm so excited for this that words cannot express.

But that's months away. What's happening now? Nothing. The woman situation has been just as bad is always and it's really getting old. Going on two and a half years with no girlfriend is not only sad, but really depressing every time I think about it. And when I think about that, I think about what went wrong with my previous relationship, why it went wrong, what I could have and should have done to prevent that. What I could have and should have done to repair it along every step of the way. Not that it would be any resemblance of what we once had if everything was patched up and we got back together. Oh well, I guess that's just the optimist in me wanting what won't happen and wanting it to turn out well. She can hardly stand being around me anymore, though. Ha, next year's going to be fun.

Anyway, I was recommended to OkCupid by another friend (HI JENN YOU NEVER READ LJ ANYMORE, BUT THAT'S COOL) and after about a week and a half of having one, I am sorely disappointed in finding that it's filled with either people that are so pretentious, I can choke on it, or 35 year old overweight, ugly women that think it'd be cool to hit on me. On top of that, the only people that I could find any remote interest in don't message me back or find any interest in me. What more could I expect from internet dating? Oh well.

Toasters concert next Tuesday at Howard's! Gonna fucking rock. I can't wait.

p.s. Does anybody know of a program that will convert protected .m4p files into mp3s? I have a whole album in .m4p that I can't listen to or really do anything with. :<

Stolen from Geneva

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 23:08:10 GMT

1) Answer the questions below.
2) Take each answer and type it into Photobucket
3) Take any picture from the first page of results and post. (click on the picture and copy the HTML code)
4) You can't copy the persons answers who posted this before you!

1. The age you will be on your next birthday?

"20" - I laughed for probably the entirety of the time it took to type everything out to this point.

2. A place you’d like to travel?

"Japan"

3. Your favorite place?

"Somewhere warm"

4. Your favorite object?

"My penis"

5. Your favorite food?

"Burrito"

6. Your favorite animal?

"Duck"

7. Your favorite color?

"red"

8. The town in which you were born?

"fullerton" - Fullerton, CA. Although I lived in Brea, the hospital was in Fullerton.

9. The town in which you live?

"Canfield"...lol wut?

10. The name of a past pet?

"Sammy" - lmao the page was just full of cute girls taking myspace pics of themselves and then this guy. I love it.

11. The first name of a past love?

"Geneva" - she's got visuals, apparently.

12. Your best friend's nick name?

"J TRU" - also came with this comment under the picture - "JESSICA~DIS DAT CHICK WIT HURR!!!I LUV DIS GHERL 2 DA FULLEST...SHES ALWAYS BEEN HERE 4 ME WEN I NEEDED HER DA MOST..U CAN CALL DIS CHICK A REAL FREND.SHE BEEN THERE 2 LIFT ME UP WEN I SWOOP DOWN LOW ND WIPED MY TEARS OFF WEN I WAS 2 ASHAMED OF DOIN SO MYSELF.SHE SHOWED ME DA TRU MEANING OF THE WORDS FRENDS ND I WOULD NEVA DO NYTHANG 2 CHANGE THAT...I LUV U JESS U LIKE A NEW SISTA ND A PART OF MY FAM ND DNT CHU 4GET DAT!!!DIS MY BFF RITE HURR!!!" - brilliant.

13. Your nickname/screen name?

"Crash" - I don't really have a nickname, and my screenname yeilded nothing, so this is the closest I could come up with. this was about the only picture on the page that wasn't a poster for the movie.

14. Your first name?

"Eric" - fuckin lol.

15. Your middle name?

"Michael" - oh fuckin hell yeah mother fucker.

16. Your surname?

"Kubli" - God dammit, all of the pictures that came up, with the except of 3 on the last page were from this damn kid. My photobucket accoutn name is kubli. What the fuck.

17. Favorite texture?

A flacid penis also came up.

18. A bad habit of yours?
"

"chewing with my mouth open" - ew.

19. Your first job?

"Sandwich Artist" - I chose this one so that your guys's h-scroll would be totally fucked. :>

Stolen from Lynzie

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 00:16:08 GMT

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4.Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result as a comment in this post. Also, pass it along in your own journal because it's more amusing that way.

And I smile, what a wonderful life

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 19:46:23 GMT

Well there are a lot of things to talk about, so I'll start out with the best. Justin came up to BG on Friday and we went to the Streetlight show in Detroit. It was wayyy better than the one at the Agora that I went to this summer and we had a blast. When we first got there, the line went around the corner of a city block, we were about half way down the side of the block, around the corner from the entrance. The line only got longer, and by the time the doors opened, it was around the other corner of the block. I had no idea Streetlight was this popular - there was everybody from people decked out in Hollister Shirts and nice khakis to kids with green mohawks and punk boots. The age range was gigantic, too. I saw like 8 year old kids all the way up to (probably their parents) 40 year old people. I don't mean to ramble - I've got a lot more to talk about.

tl;dr - Streetlight Manifesto is amazing and they're coming back to Detroit in April.

Now for the bitching.

I hate living in dorms and I can't wait til next year when I get to live in a place where I won't have to put up with hearing Guitar Hero on somebody's loud as hell TV at 5AM when I'm trying to sleep. Or somebody setting off the fire alarm on a Sunday morning at 4:30AM and then again at 10AM. I was ecstatic when that happened this morning. I'm so glad that smoking pot is so important that you dumb fucks have to set off the fire alarm twice in the span of 6 hours. Fucking fantastic. It's not like I can stay in either, after almost being arrested for doing that earlier this year when THE ONE FIRE ALARM I HAVE EVER SAID "fuck that" TO, A FIRE TRUCK RAN INTO THE BOILER ROOM IN OUR BUILDING. Fucking love how things work out all the time.

While I'm on the subject of stupid shit, I think it's fairly obvious that I am and have been desperate for a girlfriend for years now - to the point where I add applications on facebook that I hope will introduce me to said girlfriend or at least aid the process, since I am the antithesis of smooth. So I add this "Are YOU Interested!?!?!" app, thinking that it will tell me if somebody, and who that somebody is, if they are interested in going out with me. Wrong. It tells me that SOMEBODY is interested. I don't know who that somebody is, where they live, who they are, male or female. I know NOTHING about them. Just that they are interested. And that might not even mean that they are interested in a relationship with me - hell, if they were, they could send me a message over facebook. Maybe they just think I look like an interesting person, interesting to talk to. MAYBE THAT'S WHAT THAT APPLICATION IS FOR. JUST SO THAT PEOPLE CAN LOOK AT INTERESTING LOOKING PEOPLE AND THEN LET THEM KNOW THEY LOOK INTERESTING. God dammit.

And to top it all off, the internet has been a son of a bitch and really really slow. Oh well, at least I have a few things to look forward to in the future. :>

the night divides the day

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 03:12:01 GMT

I've been feeling like a pile of shit for the past week or so. But that's really nothing new - normally it was because of something I regretted from a few years back, but this time I did something dumb in the now. So that's marvelous. I've been downloading a lot of movies for whatever reason and I really connected with Cashback. It really just hits the nail on the head for me and I've watched it a few times in the past week. It get better every time.

Oh well - I'm hoping this year will be better than the last two. Those sucked fucking asshole.

something keeps him moving, but no one seems to know what it is that makes him go

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 09:03:56 GMT

i don't feel as if i am dedicated to anything anymore. at all. no matter how hard i try to make friends with certain people, i feel like they don't want me around. and it's not even necessarily that i want to be friends, i just want to feel like people don't mind me as an acquaintance. but i feel like i'm annoying and awkward. not that bitching to my journal will do anything about it.

stockyard closed today. i've been really bummed out ever since i found out - not just because i no longer have a job, but because i probably won't see the majority of the people that worked there again. there was a christmas party at stockyard on friday night, and i had a good time, but i felt ostracized because i didn't know the majority of the people there. as a dishwasher, i either always had a stack of dirty dishes blocking my view and voice from anybody trying to talk with me and a loud machine running next to me the whole time. not to mention, we were all busy all the time. another reason i felt left out is because everybody there, with the exception of 3 or 4 people was drunk. and maybe i'm old fashioned, but i really don't feel right drinking while i'm still underage. i guess what i'm trying to beat around the bush toward is that i feel terrible because i sort of slipped out of the party without saying good bye to anybody. without saying goodbye to these people that i considered friends - friend that i'll probably never see again.

i'm almost flat broke, too. i suppose it isn't that much of a problem for me because i'm fortunate enough to have the loving parents that i do, but i feel terrible having to ask them for money, or anything really for that matter. after all the shit that they have had to put up with me from the past 5 or 6 years, they really shouldn't have to put up with anymore.

meh.